September 29, 2006

Steve: Ladies...looking for a table?

Billie: Actually, we were just leaving.

Steve: Oh.

Billie: Yeah. This isn't exactly my mom's cup of tea -- this place.

Chelsea: You're Stephanie Johnson's dad, aren't you?

Steve: Yeah. You a friend of hers?

Chelsea: No. Not exactly.

Steve: Oh.

Billie: Oh, uh, excuse me. Steve, this my daughter, Chelsea.

Steve: Oh, yeah. Nice to meet you.

Chelsea: You, too.

Billie: And, uh, you remember my mom, Kate?

Steve: Oh, yeah, yeah. The smoking-hot mama -- I can't forget her.

Kate: Yeah.

Billie: Okay. Well, we got to go. See you later.

Kate: Honey! Don't be so rude. I mean, Chelsea said they have the best meat in town here. You don't want to pass on that, do you?

Steve: So, uh, Billie, I haven't seen you around the Cheatin' Heart lately. As a matter of fact, I haven't seen you around anywhere. I've been all over this burg looking for work, and I have not seen you. Where you been keeping yourself?

Billie: No place you'd go.

Steve: Really? Try me.

Billie: Well, I've -- I've been spending a lot of time at home lately. Being a single mother keeps me very busy.

Steve: Well, that's cool. But, you know, you don't seem like the typical domestic type.

Billie: [Laughs] It runs in the family.

Steve: That's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure you have plenty of other talents to spend your time and energy on.

Kate: She sure does.

Billie: Mother!

Kate: What?

Billie: My mom has this very bad habit of interfering in her adult children’s affairs.

Kate: Or lack thereof.

Billie: So, does this mean you're finally giving up on me and Bo?

Kate: Well, if you have, of course I have, darling.

Billie: Oh, you're right! Hey, Chelsea, do me a favor. Don't take relationship advice from Grandma Kate 'cause you've been in enough trouble already.

Steve: Ooh. Listen to your mama.

Kate: Chelsea, darling, your napkin in your lap. Sorry. I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything.

Billie: Oh, yes, you would.

Steve: What's the matter? You afraid she's gonna corrupt her with some manners?

Billie: No, worse -- control her.

Steve: Maybe she's just trying to be a loving grandma.

Billie: Maybe I'm a virgin.

Kate: Honey, I am not trying to overtake your daughter's life. I'm just trying to groom her a little bit.

Billie: Well, why don't you get a dog? Hey, a pit bull would be nice.

Kate: Honey, someone needs to teach her how to get to the top.

Chelsea: And stay there.

Kate: That's right.

Billie: How about her mother?

Kate: Someone with experience.

Chelsea: You got to admit it, Mom -- when it comes to success, Grandma Kate is an expert.

Billie: That depends on your definition.

Steve: Whoa, whoa, ladies. Everybody back to their corners.

Chelsea: For real. You guys are acting like this some kind of boxing match or something.

Kate: No, we both just want what's best for you.

Billie: Only one of us knows what that is.

Steve: Ding, ding, ding. Ready for round 2.

Chelsea: Okay. I got to go.

Steve: You got a date?

Chelsea: No. I'm just hanging out with some friends.

Billie: Don't be too late, okay?

Chelsea: Yeah, yeah.

Kate: I'll walk you out, sweetheart.

Steve: No dessert?

Kate: No. I'm gonna leave dessert to you and Billie take care, sweetie. Nice seeing you.

Steve: Good to see you, too.

Billie: Mothers.

Steve: So, what do you say? Are you interested in dessert?

Waitress: Enjoy.

Steve: Mmm. I plan to.

Billie: Like love Devil's food cake. It's so good and yet so bad.

Steve: One of my favorite combinations. Mmm. Hey. Why'd you stop?

Billie: Not hungry.

Steve: Oh, come on. If you're worried about putting on a couple of pounds, don't be. You look good to me.

Billie: Steve, I told you, we can't do this.

Steve: You got something against getting together with me?

Billie: No. I like you...a lot.

Steve: All right. I like me, too. Common ground. Now we're getting somewhere.

Billie: No, we're getting nowhere.

Steve: Oh, come on. What is it, baby? Hey. [Sniffs] Oh, yeah, I showered, I flossed, I did mouthwash -- the whole thing.

Billie: Steve...

Steve: What?

Billie: The way you look at me.

Steve: What way is that?

Billie: Like I'm the only woman in the room.

Steve: Well, I do that because you are.

Billie: Really?

Steve: Absolutely.

Billie: And what about Kayla?

Steve: She's not in the room.

Billie: What if she was?

Steve: Well, I would do what I plan to do the next time I see

Billie: And what's that?

Steve: Ask her for a divorce.

Billie: Hold -- hold on here. Somehow we just went from you propositioning me to divorcing your wife.

Steve: Yeah.

Billie: Okay, well, call me crazy, but I think we missed a few steps here.

Steve: Well, you're not interested in adultery, are you?

Billie: No. Breaking up marriages is not on my top-10 list. It took me a while, but I learned my lesson.

Steve: Well, don't worry. You're not the reason I decided to end things with Kayla.

Billie: You're serious?

Steve: Yeah, I'm serious.

Billie: Well, hold on. I-I understand that you've lost big chunks of your memory and you don't remember Kayla, but don't you think you should try hypnosis or -- or therapy?

Steve: Baby, I've been on more couches than I care to count.

Billie: How can you be so cool about this? You're about to throw your life away -- a life that most people would kill for.

Steve: It's not my life. It belongs to a guy named Steve Johnson who I don't even know. Look... I've woken up with my share of strangers, and I know that I sure as hell don't want to be married to one...or to a life that I don't even remember.

Billie: Why me?

Steve: Why you? I don’t know you feel, uh... familiar. Look... I just think we're two people looking to connect -- that's all.

Billie: That's all, huh?

Steve: Yeah. Simple. So, Billie... what are we gonna do?